When I started this blog a year and a half ago, I conceived it as a witty look at a geek relationship, which really reads that I was indulging in a moment of narcissism where I believed the world would care about my newfound relationship. Look, he’s British! Look, we’re geeky together! I don’t know how bad a thing that is, or if it’s even a bad thing–isn’t a lot of writing, great and otherwise, born of egotism? Besides, it liberated me to do something that I had never wanted to do before in my writing–I wanted to write about myself. I had kept journals, of course, and had a daily email correspondence with a close friend, but I never wanted to write anything about myself that was meant for an audience of strangers to read. Continue reading
So it turns out that 2011 was my last year of singledom. I had no idea.
A year ago, at the dawn of 2011, I didn’t know the fiance existed on this planet. Now I’m going to marry him. The change stuns me, quite frankly, because after so many years where nothing happened, everything happened all at once, and suddenly I can legitimately buy bridal magazines and have a vested interest in Say Yes to the Dress.
I had to drop the fiance off at the airport the other night, and that sucked, but as we were sitting in JFK’s Terminal 4, we realized that we really only have three more goodbyes, and then we get to be together for always. And when I feel lonely (or every so often just because), I look down at my left hand and squeal to myself, “I’m getting married!”
But–I am hereby making a promise to the blogiverse. I’m never going to become what Bridget Jones would call a ‘smug married.’ I still remember that decade of singledom and how much it sucked. Possibly the worst part was the single v. couple line, the envy I often felt, the wondering why it couldn’t be me too, or why every guy I seemed to meet was already in a relationship. Was there a memo to pair off Noah’s Ark style and I missed it?
Last night I went out to dinner with some old friends, one of whom I hadn’t seen in awhile. My friend Robyn asked him what was new, and made a point of saying not just in relationships. She went on to say how much she hated that, when all people ask about is relationships, as if that’s the only newsworthy thing in a person’s life. While that is certainly the juiciest gossip, as my friend pointed out, it is hardly the end all and be all.
So I am reminding myself that I have a life outside my engagement, and that people don’t want to talk about wedding dresses all the time. Everyone has been really sweet whenever I do talk about it, which I really appreciate. Still, I’m not going to forget what it was like to be single. Those are my ‘roots’ as it were. That decade of singledom shaped me in a lot of ways, some for the better, some for the worse. But those years led me to here, and my engagement.
That said, I hope people also take heart from my story. When I first got back from my whirlwind month of romance in August, I went to Robyn’s birthday party and I was talking to one of her friends who I know. She said to me ‘you give me so much hope, that this all just happened so suddenly.’ True story! Seriously–I was the worst single person in the world. I moaned and cried and did very little in actuality. I got some crushes on some dudes in deeply committed relationships. I went on some dates with a Swede who was the worst kisser in the world and insisted on kissing me in public, and another guy who was the blandest guy in the world. I tried eHarmony, Match.com, OK Cupid, all with almost no success.
I was seriously about to give up hope. I started having ‘what if’ daydreams, planning what I would do if I never got married, wondering how I would cope for singledom forever and never having a family. When other people would helpfully try to suggest that someone was out there for me, I would respond with ‘But what if he’s on the other side of the world and I never get to meet him?’
As it happens, he was on the other side of the world, but I did get to meet him. And I would say he was well worth the wait.
So the moral of the story is–there really is someone out there. There may not be plenty of fish in the sea, as it were (a phrase the fiance particularly reviled in his days of singledom), but if you wait and watch, you can catch your fish. And really, all you need is one.