Other things not to miss about New York

I told you there was more.  Starting with:


Summer is pretty bad, but I think winter in New York may be worse.  The humidity is still around, but it turns into a bone chilling damp that somehow gets inside your clothes.  The temperatures plummet, and in the depths of January the temperatures can reach near zero.  If you’ve not experienced near zero, it is the kind of cold that makes you want to crawl inside a tauntaun.

And it snows.  I used to love snow as a kid–couldn’t get enough of it.  But that’s because there was less of it.  When I was a kid, school closed for snow days only a handful of times, and that was only because I went to private school from K-8.  When I was in public high school there was exactly one snow closure, for the blizzard of ’96.  (Ok, that’s actually 1996, but the Blizzard of ’96 makes it sound more dramatic, like in the Laura Ingalls Wilder book The Long Winter when it snowed so much no trains could get through and they almost starved.)*

Since I’ve become a teacher, school seems to be closed for snow with much higher frequency.  Of course there was the famous time when the mayor closed schools in expectation of a storm that never came, but there have been plenty of other moments.  And then there are the days when school should have been closed but wasn’t, and getting to work was a death defying attempt.  New Yorkers get even more selfish and stupid in the snow, so in addition to the ice and general mother nature danger, the pedestrian or driver must slalom around poorly driven cars and general insanity.

New York snow is disgusting, too.  When it first falls, if you are lucky to be standing somewhere like Central Park, or Rockefeller Center with the Christmas tree, that is really magic–a silent city, a frosting of fluffy snow softening the hard edges of the buildings.  When New York is that quiet, it seems that there really could be peace on earth.  But that only lasts for half a minute.  Then sidewalks are shoveled, and drifts pile up on the sidewalks waiting  for someone to fall in.  Then some of the snow starts to melt, and because the drains are blocked by more snow, lakes of slush form at every crosswalk that only an Olympian could clear.  But dammit, I try, and inevitably get my legs splashed.  What snow remains gets mixed with ice and turns black.  Literally black with all the dirt, and you realize how seriously dirty NYC is.

The mayor

Ok, I’m not the most political person on earth.  I’m not without opinions, but they mostly come from the Daily Show and Bill Maher, and people are always bringing up examples from the news which mystify me.  But I loathe our current mayor.

He is smug and self satisfied, and he thinks he knows everything about anything ever invented, including education.  Somewhere along the way Bloomberg had a teacher that traumatized him and he has now made it a personal vendetta against all educators.  His dumbass ideas make my daily life more difficult, they keep me from doing the job I need and want to do, and they’re hurting the kids in our city, clever kids who need a lot of help, not a lot of tests.  Rah!

Chris Rock once said of Rudy Giuliani that he’s kind of like a pitbull–you really want him around protecting your house, but if no one’s attacking you, he might kill your kids.  This was very true.  Giuliani had his own brand of crazy (anyone remember when people would get a ticket for taking up more than one seat on the subway–even on an empty car?), but I can remember some things he did that made my life better, like the one fare MetroCard.  Bloomberg raised MetroCard fares.  That sucked too.

But you know, Giuliani was crazy too.  And Dinkins was just ridiculous.  I’ve decided–I’m not limiting this to our current mayor (although he is the worst of the lot to me), but all mayors.

Idiots/Inconsiderate People

New York gets a bad rap for being rude.  By and large, New Yorkers are actually good people.  I always say, stand on a street corner with a map (out of the path of traffic) and people will come up to you and helpfully offer directions.  They will even get into jocular arguments with other New Yorkers about which is the best way to go, and help you with your bags (please refrain from theft joke here).

But hey–it’s a city of 8 million people.  Some of them are mean and a lot of them are stupid.  Add to that the oblivious tourists and on a daily basis you can encounter enough people that when you get home you’re amazed you didn’t murder someone.

But, you say, there are stupid people where I live too!  I just yelled at some idiot that cut me off this morning.  To which I say–yes.  But imagine the sheer volume.  You’re surrounded by people on a claustrophobic subway car.  You cannot wait to explode off the train and breathe the free air where the Eloi live. You fear you are turning into a Morlock, but just as you resign yourself to surrendering your humanity because that kid has poked you for the twenty sixth time and the guy next to you is listening to his music so loudly that your own earphones don’t block it out.  But it’s your stop, and even if you don’t believe in God, this seems a miracle.  You claw your way to the doors, they slide open–and twenty people shove you further back into the car because they *need* to get on and don’t understand the idea that if you let some people off, there will be more room.  It is only through some Shark Week worthy thrashing that you find yourself on the platform as the train pulls away.

So you tumble onto the escalator.  Let us say this is Grand Central and there are enough escalators to make you think you’re braving the long dark of Moria, and you’re calming down enough to daydream of the $8 salad you’ll get for lunch.  Maybe you’ll even add the chicken for an extra $2, and live a little.  You’re nearing the top of the escalator…that tourist is staring at the downtown/uptown signs in iconic Helvetica…yes we know it’s a great font and the NYC subway is a pinnacle of graphic design…there are only three steps to fold up before you’re at the top, and the hundred people behind you.  MOVE YOU IDIOT THIS THING WILL SPILL ME INTO YOU.  But they don’t move, and when you inevitably stumble into them and begin a human traffic jam that ripples down the escalator they have the nerve to give you a dirty look.  And you just *wish* you had a Balrog’s whip of fire.

You pop into Starbucks to calm yourself, and you set your eyes on the last blueberry scone and just as you step up to the counter and open your mouth, some jackass steps in front of you, not only stealing your turn, but stealing your scone.  This is what NY is sometimes.  And endless stream of dumbassery.


I loathe gentrification on so many levels, my previous example of Times Square notwithstanding.  It is killing New York, and forcing all the natives out of the city.

One of my all time favorite books, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, opens with a description of Williamsburg, of the Jewish and Irish and Italian immigrants mingling together in the early days of the 20th century.  The opening passages mention the Tree of Heaven, the titular tree, and say that you might come to a nice neighborhood, very refined, but the tree is there.  And then the brownstones are hacked up into flats and mattresses push out of the windows and the neighborhood goes from refined to ghetto.  The tree flourishes because it likes poor people.

Now people are coming and hacking the tree down.  People will pay thousands today for what was a slum a hundred years ago, even twenty years ago.  My uncle used to tell us stories of his rough and tumble neighborhood–Park Slope.

What disgusts me is that people are willing to pay $2000 a month for a one bedroom tenement in the East Village, simply because it’s the East Village.  I would say let them be stupid, but what that means is there are no affordable apartments for people who grew up in New York and see it as a home and not a movie set.  The fiance talks about coming back, but then I wonder–where will we live?  Even the smallest houses on the fringes of sketchy neighborhoods are $500k.  And if a solidly middle class person can’t afford the City, then we must be creating one hell of a class war, on the scale of the French Revolution.  Except roaches could wind up being the foot soldiers here.

Sometimes I worry about the fiance.  He’s all about living in NYC, and planning to come back.  But he’s only been here as a tourist.  And he hates London, which to my eyes has a very similar style to NY.  He’s very cavalier about the winter and summer, for example.  I don’t think he knows that he won’t find any tauntauns to crawl into on those cold days.  It’s very hard to get a permit for them.  Thanks, Mayor Bloomberg.  First you take my soda, then you take my tauntaun.

*You know, when I think about it, those Little House books were pretty brutal. I should have guessed something would be up when in the first book Laura and Mary play with a pig’s stomach as a balloon on slaughtering day.  Echoes of Lord of the Flies much?

Expect the unexpected

Admittedly, this blog gets pretty sappy from time to time.  I’d like to be a funnier writer, but the misfortune of my writing talent is that I cannot contrive to be funny.  It happens by luck sometimes, but not by design.  And I’m writing about stuff that’s pretty close to my heart.  But that’s especially true tonight, as I’m feeling quite het up emotionally about stuff, so those with a low tolerance for the ick factor should leave the room.

Also, I should start a tally of how many times I reference Sex and the City (see: the Ick Factor),

A lot of things are up in the air right now.  It turns out visa processing for an immigrant to the US takes nine months after you get married.  I love the State Department.  They are amazing people who clearly do their job with minute and painstaking attention to detail.

But despite my everlasting love and admiration for INS, this leaves me and the fiance in a bit of a bind.  We have been playing with options for about a week, but have nothing certain, and quite frankly, it’s killing me.  When I found out other people on his team at work had snatched up all the Easter holiday, which is when I will be there for my next visit, I wanted to kill them, and also say horrible things like “I don’t care about your stupid kids.  You get to see them every stupid day.”

Which is clearly not the way forward, particularly as the fiance has who I believe is one of the top 10 bosses in all of history.  We should keep him happy.

The problem is really not that he’ll be working 9-5 most of the time I’m there.  The problem is that I don’t know what’s going to happen to us after we get married.  No doubt some of you out there are going “Er…just have a city hall marriage in the US and then the big thing in the UK.  Then you can process the paperwork faster.”  Not a bad idea, except, of course, the United Kingdom does not have the Bill of Rights, and therefore they *can* make laws respecting an establishment of religion, and so, thanks to Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn, civil and religious ceremonies are one and the same.  Which means, get married at city hall and process the paperwork quicker, but give up the wedding.

And let’s be honest here, folks.  My wedding is pretty kick-ass.  It is everything I’ve ever wanted it to be.  Plus I’ve waited 32 years to get married.  With each passing year, the fuss and the flowers and the food and the fanfare become more precious, because I really feel like celebrating this.

A year ago if you had asked me if I thought I would ever get married, I would say I was sliding down the scale from ‘maybe’ to ‘probably not.’  In fact, I was already grappling with the ‘probably not’ possibility.  I gave my sister a whole speech about how I wasn’t dancing around at her engagement because I was looking at a bleak future.  I didn’t know I was scarcely more than a month away from meeting my future husband.

Put like this, it’s a revolution of a year.  I met a guy.  Then he turned out to be awesome.  Then he turned out to really like me.  Then he embraced all my craziness and all my nerdiness.  Then we fell in love.  Then he asked me to marry him.  Who does that *happen* to?  Sometimes I feel like I’m living in a rom com.

But it turns out love is the answer to some things, but not all things, and that on the other side of the single/ couple divide a whole host of problems lie.  And here I was thinking I finally had the key to Shangri-La.  I never thought I would be in a relationship and still feel like I was up against so much.  Yes, the loneliness is gone, but in it’s place is a sort of desperation, the kind of thing that makes people write love poetry or characters like Bella Swan.  It’s a very melodramatic feeling, hanging your life onto another person.  Getting hitched is an appropriate phrase, because you do in essence hook your life up to another’s and see where it takes you. But this of course means a loss of control, and in giving that up you feel the noble sacrifice of love etc. etc.

Which all boils down to right now I’m getting married, but although we are racking our brains trying to think of ways to be together, the card that says we have to wait nine months for that is still on the table.  So we could get married and then say goodbye.

Is this better than a year ago, when I thought I was looking at loneliness forever? Yes.  It is.  It is only temporary, no matter what, even if we do have to wait.  But is it the 180 I expected?  Not quite.  I feel a bit cheated.  I find a guy, and he’s amazing, and he’s got a sexy accent, and instead of a honeymoon, I may have to get on a plane alone.  Uncool, universe.  If you give me an awesome guy, I want the chance to be with him, plsthx.

I guess there’s another way to look at it though.  I know now I’m living a comedy, not a tragedy.  But in any comedy, there has to be complications.  It’s the law of good stories.  Protagonist must face obstacles to get what he/ she wants.  So in this crazy movie life, I am perhaps just in the second act, when things get rough.  This is my Empire Strikes Back moment.  Han Solo’s frozen in carbonite, but Princess Leia goes to rescue him.  That’s not a rom com, but you get the idea.  Anyway, it would be even cooler if this story were an epic.

In case you were wondering, though, I will say that the second act is not a fun place to be.  Mo’ money, mo’ problems.